I feel pretty...oh, so pretty

The Girl has given me a pedicure during my recuperation. I apologize for the picture quality, but I did get off my death couch to post this for you....

I've been sick

I got sick shortly after my last post and have been sick ever since. I am still sick--inner ear infection caused by a mycoplasm bug that I cannot shake. This thing has had me sick off and on for almost a year. I am sick of being sick.

Resolution Check!

It was a 7 months ago that 2008 came charging in and in my usual fashion, I fancied myself up some resolutions. Time to make myself accountable and check in on my progress. As I plagiarize myself, here they are:

#1. I resolve to go green. Not jealous....not Incredible Hulk....not Jolly Green Giant....and not rich. I want to learn more about toxin free living and try to adopt it into my lifestyle as much as possible. I am proud to say, I have made several steps for improvement in this area. I am now recycling. I am appalled by the amount of trash it saves me....probably 2-3 bags per week of recyclable goods were just going straight to the dump. I also tested out various kinds of dishwashing and laundry detergents. Laundry has been ok so far, but as far as dishwashing goes--after testing 4 different kinds of very expensive, very environmentally friendly detergents, I have decided plain ole Cascade is the only thing that really stands up to my dishes. Now, it is not on the earth friendly list, but washing the same load 3 times is not good for the water supply. SO it is the lesser of two evils. Resolution complete? check! but still a work in progress.

#2. I resolve to learn more about advocacy and Special Ed rights. The boy has been speech delayed and sensory seeking since he was one. Now that he is in First Grade the word Asperger's is floating about. We are still waiting for an official diagnosis from a developmental pediatrician. But in the meantime, I want to advocate for my son in the face of a unsympathetic (indeed PATHETIC) school and staff. I have read a few additional books....bookmarked a few additional sights....and gone to a few extra doctors. We are really not too better off than before.

# 3 I resolve to go on two family vacations. I also made this promise last year and went on three. *wink* Well, you know I have Wandering Wednesdays--which is a mini vacation each week. In addition, we went to Chattanooga in the spring and will go to Disney World in August. Resolution complete? check!

# 4. I resolve to grow a herb garden. Check! It is out there, but I have no idea how to dry them for future use...still working on that one.

# 5. I resolve to go to an allergist sometime this year and start immunotherapy shots again. No......not even started....

#6. I resolve to pursue our own avenues for therapy and related services. Check! We have a private OT now.

4 out of 6 is not bad at all! Much better than my previous track records. Have you kept your resolutions this year?

Little Known Facts About Me--2nd of a miniseries

I cry...
.............A lot.

Everything from small, insignificant drops to huge ugly, face sobs. Anything can make me cry....a bad day, a good day, a tv commercial, a movie, my kids, my anger, my happiness. I once cried cause I saw a duck with a missing foot. I once cried at the song "Rocky Top." Ok, I was pregnant and overly emotional, but still. It does not take much to make me cry. And it feels good too. Especially those gut wrenching, from the soul wails. And those I know well. The kind that your knees buckle, your eyes clamp shut, your voice no longer sounds human. While I am usually in that mode in my deepest, darkest moments, to have that raw emotion come out of me is terribly cathartic.

Wandering Wednesdays

This week we focused on excrement, waste, ca ca. Ewwwwwwww, right? Yeah pretty much, but very educational! Our little neck of the woods is well known amongst paleontologists. We are home to the Gray Fossil Site. They have found all sorts of interesting fossils and complete dinosaur skeletons. (Read more about the Gray Fossil site here.)

Last time we ventured to the museum, T-Rex Sue was there. She is the most complete T-Rex skeleton every found and our museum borrowed her from Chicago. Sue packed up and headed north in April and left in her midst was another traveling exhibit which hey lovingly call "The Scoop on Poop." Poop, you say? For weeks, I heard a squeal every time we drove past and children asking when we could go see the bones and the poop.

Now, poop is more valuable than you may know! They can use it to trace the nomadic journey of early man to the continent. They can study it to find out how a animal eats, how old it is, where it lives, and many more characteristics. In some cultures, they build houses with poop, they eat poop and they sell poop. Yes, ca ca is a commodity.

The Dung Beetle Rally!

This demonstrated the size of Elephant poop.....They look a little scared....

Oh, that's just me--getting the "Scoop on Poop"

One of the fossils they have unearthed at the dig site.

They boy getting his scientist on....

The Girl bound and determined to find a fossil...

Little Known Facts About Me--A mini series

I love interior design. So much so that at one point in my life, I was interviewed and accepted into the design program at ETSU. However, it was a odd time in my life--I had just finished my BA in English and was trying to decide if I wanted to pursue Interior Decorating or go for a Master's in Education. My safe side won out and I opted to go for the Master's degree. However, I have never given up on my passion for design and want to share with you, dear reader, a few of my favorites sites for inspiration!

The Nesting Place I was turned onto her blog via the BabyCenter Bargain Hunters Board. She has a grace and style about her that I admire and when I cruise into a craft section, finding treasures, I ask myself, "How would the Nester use this?"

Craftster My favorite part about decorating is creating. Sure, I love to buy things right off the shelves, but I also love to have one of a kind designs that I know no one can duplicate. This site gives me plenty of ideas.

Pottery Barn I cannot afford Pottery Barn. But I do love to look at the catalog. Let me rephrase that--I study the catalog. I love the color and texture combinations. I love that they mix old with new. I love that anything goes. And for that reason, I strive for the Pottery Barn look, without the Pottery Barn price.

HGTV Not only do I love the site, I love the channel. Some of my favorite shows are on this channel. I love watching the work of other designers, learning their tricks and methods. You get a great sense of what is in style from this channel and can also learn how to do it yourself.

Bargain Hunters This is a bulletin board I have followed for years. Now, it is not all about decorating, but about bargains. And sense do it yourself projects are a bargain (most of the time) the ladies post a lot about cheap ways to do home decor.

Better Homes and Gardens BHG is my favorite magazine and I so look forward to that day each month when it comes in the mail. I could just eat up every page!

Someone loved the 80's a little too much....

It was a groggy Sunday morning...I shuffled my way to the kitchen and made myself a bowl of cereal. As I started my first bite, I did my morning ritual--looking out the kitchen window to see what Man Boobs was up to today.

He was out and about unusually early--shirt off, hat on. He had a friend with him and they were working on a new project. Painting their house. Pink. Yes, just like the John Cougar Mellencamp song. *hangs head in shame*

I do have an update on the Battle of the Small Corner. It will cost us $689.00 to move the fence line. I am still calling around!

Wandering Wednesdays

And before you say anything, yes, I know it is Friday. The point of Wandering Wednesdays is to take the kids out and have a computer free day...and then yesterday, my computer was having a person free day (ISP issues). So Wandering Wednesdays actually started for us about a month ago. I just decided this week to add this to the RHSC because in a few months from now I want be able to look back on the great summer we had. Why Wednesdays, you ask? Well, that is the only day I have off during the week. I work from home for a large distance education based company. After sitting in the house all week with children running wild about me, I think it is vital to have one day where we get out and just have fun. We started out slow--the first Wednesday we went shopping around town, had a oil change in the car and lunch out. The second Wednesday we really ramped it up, going to a local amusement park--Dollywood.



The third Wednesday we took it a bit easier and went to a really cool park in the area called a Boundless Playground. It is specifically made for kids with sensory issues, but is fantastic for any kid. Of course, The Boy revels in the spinning, sliding and climbing, as any self respecting child should! We ventured off into the woods for a bit--following a Frisbee golf course that the kids imagined was a old dinosaur trail. We even found scat (dog poop) that The Boy was convinced meant a cougar was near by. On the way back, we kicked around in a small creek and then headed off for lunch with Techo Geek.

That brings us to this week--our fourth Wednesday. This week has been absolutely wild. Not only are we in the middle of tball tournaments--which seem to be abnormally cut throat this year--we were also working on renovating our basement family room, starting Taekwando classes, working on summer lessons and projects, trying to organize a fence move (see Man Boobs below), figuring out bills, and still to come this weekend--a company picnic, family reunion, remaining Father's Day dinner for my Dad, all while working my weekend rotation. Somehow in the middle of all this, I had to figure out what we would spend our free day doing. I knew of two things that could not wait. In the midst of figuring out who I had to pay what, I realized I had let my car tags expire and had not paid my car insurance. I had no choice but to head downtown. I could have spent the rest of our day catching up on cleaning which is pitifully behind, painting trim for all the new flooring, or running any other number of errands. But we yearned for a Wondering Wednesday. SO a Wondering Wednesday we got.

It just so happens that our downtown area is a Historic District. Jonesborough claims to be the oldest city in the state of Tennessee. Of course, no one knows for certain which is why there is a ancient fight between the folks of Jonesborough and the folks of Rogersville for rights to the first city in the state. But I digress.

The Boy and The Girl tagged along as we went to the old, old courthouse. They loved the stockades outside...

and the cannon...

Our wanderings found us in a store full of handmade imports. Items from Peru, Argentina, and the Amazon line the walls. Here is a hand carved chair that the kids found hilarious.

We found our way to the antique store, too. The Boy found arrowheads, a passion first discovered on an earlier trip to Dollywood. We had a lot of fun finding old objects and guessing how they were used.


Sometimes the small details are the best...


A couple of shops down is The Lollipop Shop. This building has a really freaky history for such a happy candy store. It was the original courthouse in town and had a riot in the 1800's that resulted in the death of 7 inmates. Later it housed the first brothel in the state and the owner said upon her death she wanted to be buried at the front steps. If you looked down as you are exiting, you see her name on the doorstep. They say that is her tombstone. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww When you look on the side of the buildings, you can see scratch marks up the wall caused by the stagecoach wheels.

The Boy and the Girl sitting next to "May," unbeknown to them. *wink*

Next we had lunch at a downtown eatery named Main Street Cafe. They had really good Dr. Pepper and a decent lunch. The Boy appreciated having a never ending supply of straws on the table.

The Girl enjoying her Dr. Pepper...

We ended this Wandering Wednesday with another trip to a park for about an hour and then off to OT. Having a mini-vacation mid week is so worth it!

They are everywhere!

I know you have heard my sagas of Cousin Eddie and his lampoonish lifestyle. However, I have more than one less than desirable neighbor.

Meet Man Boobs. Man Boobs lives behind us. He has Rude Wife and 3 Brat kids. Man Boobs likes to shoot birds in his backyard. He also likes to drive as fast as he can down the road trying to showing off for those who could care less. Man Boobs likes to show off his Man Boobs on a almost daily basis and the really sucky part about that? He has a pool. Man Boobs bought a used above ground pool a couple of years ago. He loved bringing in the caterpillar to dig the hole in the yard. As he ran back and forth leveling out his ground, he bumped into his sad little wood fence on more than one occasion, making it fall to the ground in a few spots. But never fear! Man Boobs (who co-owns a fencing company) had a professional plan a foot! It would seem that he has a spare pair of closet doors that fit that wide gap just perfectly. That worked for a while, but who would have thought that hollow core doors would not hold up to two years of Tennessee rain, snow and heat?

Techno Geek and myself were a bit put out with their dog helping himself into our yard via the outside closet Man Boobs had created, so we put up chain link for the perimeter of the yard. Finally! A defining boundary. Life was good--despite Cousin Eddie on the other side. But then, Man Boobs decided he needed to build a new fence--a fort if you will. And large privacy fence and by all that was holy in the south, he needed us to move our newly constructed chain link fence so that he could build this mother of all fences. Now, I am all for Man Boobs hiding his man boobs. And I love not watching Rude kids day in and day out. But he is making issue over about half a foot on one corner of the fence line. No biggie--they can have it. We are not into stealing their land.

So I am calling fencing companies-not his--trying to find someone to move it. No return calls. And while I am in holding pattern, guess what I see? His fence guys messing with our fence! Anybody ever heard of patience?

Cousin Eddie is all up in arms. Turns out he likes us and doesn't want Man Boobs to win the Battle of the Overgrown Corner. Our neighbor on the other side--the one nice, decent person we have surrounding us--feels like it is "just not right." My father in law wants us to get a lawyer.

Who knew such a small patch of land could cause such a ruckus? I can't even stand on it.

It is all about the lines--and I guess boundaries are just as important to Man Boobs as they are to us. I just wish the fence company would call me back!

Fly on the Wall

The fly on the wall heard this today:

The Boy: Get out of my room!

The Girl: NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The Boy: I am the big brother and big brothers tell little sisters what to do!

The Girl: No, I am Iron Man.

The Boy: And Mom tells me what to do.

Me: Oh really?

The Girl: I AM IRON MAN!

The Boy: And Dad tells Mom what to do.

Me: Oh REALLY?

Silent Saturday

more cat pictures


more cat pictures


more cat pictures


more cat pictures

Dear ABC,

DANG! You all are KILLING ME! So last night was the season finale of Lost. Just a couple of months ago I was anxiously awaiting the 9 month hiatus to come to an end so that I could see what was going on and who the heck was in that coffin. Now I know. And I also know, as Jack said, "Some really bad stuff happened." And Penny and Des are reunited....and Sawyer loves Kate so very much he jumped out of that helicopter to get her off that island....and Jin was running and begging to be picked up and wasn't....and I actually felt sorry for Ben (never saw that coming)...and why the heck was Charlotte born on the island? I don't know if you actually answered any questions because the new mysteries are far more complex and out there than ever before. And now another hiatus. You are killing me--you are really killing me!

Signed,

Desperate

Just Wow

I really have no comments about this that would not get you in touch with my redneck roots, so I will let the action speak for itself.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,358956,00.html

On the positive side, I am one week removed from our own Ms. Drama as of today....nothing like summer vacation!

Desperate Does Duran Duran

hmmmm...that did not come out quite as planned, but I will take it! I wore the "This Mom Rocks" shirt that you see on the lower right of the page. I got more comments on that shirt than any other clothing I have ever worn--and they were all positive!

The Girl is showing off her seat and all ready to hear Masser!

Ok she is over that and onto her lollipop.

The Boy--watching and learning how to be a SUPASTAR!

So, tonight is the final results on American Idol. I think David Archuletta is going to win, even though David Cook is the better musician. It has been a better year than most years past, but still, nothing like that first year!

Guilty Pleasures

• Owning a blog.....
• Reading online news headlines more than twice a day
• American Idol
• Going to Disney World for the past two years and going again this year
• Watching TV in bed before going to sleep
• Ice cream with Hershey's syrup
• Justin Timberlake music....ok, Timbaland music, too
• Reading the LOST blogs for spoilers daily
• Duran Duran concerts
• Driving 4 hours for IKEA
• Taking long showers until the hot water runs out
• Loosing hours on the internet without realizing it
• Emailing instead of calling
• Eating out at least once a week
• Covering my strawberries with sugar
• Covering my fries with ketchup
• Covering my vegetables with salt

Indiana Jones and The Temple of Duh

The Boy: I really want to be Indiana Jones.

Me: You don't even know what those movies are about!

The Boy: Yes, I do! In the second movie he breaks into the temple to replace the crystal skull. And he gets caught.

Me: How do you know about that?

The Boy: Uh--Lego's commercial! (With the tone of DUH in his voice)

Me: Oh

Coincidence? Hmmmmmmm

Dear Annie Leibovitz,

I have always loved your photography. I think you are immensely talented.

Even if you do look a bit odd.

However, not anyone is perfect, right?

But why, oh why, did you remotely think THIS was a good idea?


You take someone whose entire career is built on child entertainment, chastity and clean fun and make her look like an ill, worn out ho? I find nothing beautiful in this picture and I am not even upset she is topless. I am mostly upset that she looks like she is malnourished and deathly ill! Granted, 12 year olds will not be reading Vanity Fair, but once a picture is out there, it is out. Girls have always struggled with self identity and the idea that you have to look a certain way and have a certain image to fit in. Now this. Now it will be cool to look like a zombie--a half naked zombie no less. Did you think it was a cool artistic shot, like Miley said? Did you think it would show her vulnerability and exposure to the world. How very metaphoric of you. I know, historically, you like them nude. John Lennon, Angelina Jolie, Demi Moore, Scarlett Johansen, Keira Knightly, all have gone bare ass for you. Heck, you even took a full nude portrait of yourself pregnant for the world to see. But a 15 year old--just a bad idea no matter what angle you look at it. The girls of this world have more pressure than ever and enough to deal with already. Sorry, Annie, but this time--poor concept, poor picture, poor job!

Signed,

Desperately Seeking Sanity

Trivial Knowledge

The Boy: Did you know if you fly into the assmussfear that you will get fire hot?

Me: What if you have a space ship?

The Boy: I dunno. Maybe it will get fire hot, but you will be safe inside.

Me: That makes sense.

The Boy: Did you know that Carnage and Venom wear the same outfit but they are different colors and that they both hate really loud noises. And that can only mean one thing. It means that Venom is Carnage's son!

Me: No, I did not know that.

The Boy: And if they hear a really, really loud noise, their clothes fall off?

Me: Their clothes fall off?

The Boy: Yeah!

Me: They are naked?

The Boy: No! They have on underwear.

Me: What kind of underwear do they wear? Think they have Spider Man undies? Like you!

The Boy: Mom! They are mortal enemies. They just have bad guy underwear. (duh)

Pictures The Girl Took

It is always interesting to see how a child views the world...







Photography courtesy of The Girl....

What is up with this chick?

So I take The Girl to a local Kindermusik class. We have been going for over a year and a half. She loves it! I mean loves it! And I enjoy it too--I must confess. It is fun to sit with all the other moms--gushing over our kids and confessing our imperfections. What? You had to feed your child a cereal bar on the way here too? Oh I love Crocs too--so easy to slide on and off. Yeah, exercising is not my cup of tea either. But there is this one chick. The Super Mom. ugh. Her son has been in our class since day one and even back in the day she made me feel inferior. Her hair--always done. Her make up--impeccable. Her shoes--usually boots. She always has on jewelry and nice, well fitted clothing. She always looks fantastic. I hate her. But in that "I would still be your friend" kind of way. But now, she has just gone way over board.

So she got herself knocked up. I thought surely this is it--we will see her give. She has a 4 year old that she goes to an early class with and then her 2 year old after. Surely she cannot juggle all of that and show up looking like a friggin super model to boot.

I waited 9 long months. That chick never missed one class. She never showed up in sweats or without makeup. And she never failed to have on some pair of fashionable shoes.

I watched her stomach get bigger and bigger and she went on with life like nothing at all was different. Did I mention I hate her? When I was preggers, I looked like death warmed over. I could barely move much less get myself dressed to that standard.

Last week I saw her wince when she was getting up.... I thought WOW! One small sign that maybe it was becoming hard to handle.....but that was it...just one little moment.

And then this week, we come to class. Her belly is gone. I will be damned if that chick did not go into labor right after Kindermusik last week, have her baby, and still show up to class this week. That wince I saw? She was in LABOR! And still there singing and dancing with her boy. I am a failure.

And so, she shows up with her 4 year old, 2 year old and 1 week old...not missing a beat. And yes, she was in heels.

An investment you can sink your teeth into

The Boy lost his second tooth this week. I meant to blog about the loss of his first tooth which was by far a much bigger deal for him. First tooth, he came home all triumphant that he had gotten the tooth out with minimal bleeding and no pain. He had a certificate from Ms. Drama. He got a treasure box to keep his tooth in as a keepsake. And the tooth fairy left him $5.00 for that very important first tooth. However, she let him keep it since he had that ultra cool orange treasure box for it.

This time....he forgot to tell me that he lost it. He also forgot to bring it home. And the tooth fairy forgot to come....so she snuck in while he was at school the next day. Turns out, the second tooth snags a solid $1.00 bill. Not a bad draw for a 6 year old. In my day she only handed out a quarter. Of course, I never charmed her with pictures like:


That Fairy is putty in his hands...

How Low Can You Go?

Our shower head busted last week....After a week of taking showers in the kids bath, stepping on bath toys and running down the hallway in nothing but a towel, guess where we were this weekend? Yes, a proverbial family outing to Lowe's to buy a new shower head. We looked at all of them, reading the boxes, talking about the styles, deciding which was plastic and which was metal. After the children were getting in trouble for climbing on the stacks of stock and chasing each other up and down the aisle, I took them on a circle around the store. I got back, expecting Techno Geek to be done with his decision, but no....still thinking about it. After about 20 minutes, we finally made a decision. I plopped down $68.00 on a brand new rain head. This is our fourth--we love them. This one was very similar to our first which is forever etched in our minds as the ultimate in shower heads. Alas, it was left behind when we moved from our condo 4 years ago and showers have never quiet been the same. So, you can imagine how much I looked forward to a bath in the morning!

Techno Geek was the first to try it out. He said it was "ok." Kind of in a Randy "Dawg" kind of way. (Shout out to my American Idol homies!) He warned me that it did not have too much in way of pressure, but that is all right--I don't mind a gentle rain fall. Then he tells me that it takes so long to build up the pressure that it still runs for about 2 minutes after you turn it off. Okay....this should be interesting.

So, this morning is my time. Anxiously, I hop in and turn it on....it is much bigger out of the box. In my small shower stall, it looms over me like a giant silver sunflower. Or maybe a huge cyclops eye. Either way, it is intimidating. And even worse--it is a shiney hiney silver and acts like a overhead mirror. I can see every intimate detail of my showering experience. But, I tread on--convinced it will feel like my showers of old.

Techno Geek was right, it does take a while to build up pressure--only getting half of the head to work. But eventually, it does come up to full speed. And full speed is a bit like having a elf over your head pouring a cup of water on you. No pressure is probably a better description. I like to beat the dirt off of me...this felt like it was being asked kindly to leave.

Have you ever seen that episode of Seinfeld with the low flow shower head that Jerry got?

Yeah, that's me today. Looks like this bad boy is going back to Lowe's!

A conversation between father and son

The Boy: (from inside the bathroom stall) Dad?
Techo Geek: Yes?
The Boy: What does B-O-O-T-Y mean?
Techo Geek: Just finish your business.

I was *this* close

Man, I was depressingly close to getting rid of Cousin Eddie next door. After cornering me on my way into my house (I try to avoid all eye contact, but he chases me down sometimes) he started talking about how he was fired last weekend and may end up getting in trouble with his house payments. After further talk (all of which I would have been too ashamed to tell my neighbors), he says he was fired from McDonald's in December and they had gotten into foreclosure on ONE of their house loans. Apparently after living there two years, not only do they carry a huge mortgage, but also two extra loans. WOW. *blank stare* What do I say? I just said "awwwwwwwwww"

Then he asks me if I cut my hair. Why, yes, I did. He noticed yesterday when I was mowing the yard. I knew I was being watched. He likes it. It looks good. I am starting to feel uncomfortable now, thank you. I make a comment to break the tension about how I like to cut it short in the summer and let it grow in the winter to which he replies that he likes to do the same thing...he has a mullet...

I wish I had the gutso to tell him all the stuffing from his green sectional couch was littering my back yard. Yes--he has a couch outside. I wish I could tell him to keep his 9 dogs quiet or to pooper scoop his yard cause the feces run off is actually making me move my child's playset for her safety.

But I use work as my excuse and manage to break out of the conversation just in time for Oswald to start on TV. Go Weanie!

While I'm at it

Bears, Beets, BattleStar Galactica

There

That's better

The Streak is over

Again. The boy just came home....four rules broken today. Of course, the big "A" reared it's ugly head today. Which big "A" is yet to be determined. We have heard both Asperger's and ADHD, so who knows. I love sending him off to school and knowing he will come home with a sticker and a smile on his face. I love spending my night enjoying my child's time and feeling like maybe I am getting it right. But alas, tonight will be a night of towing the line. I was joking last night that if The Boy were an Indian his name would have to be "He Who Does Not Take No For An Answer." From my understanding, he did not do all of his work and therefore, broke four rules. *sigh*

On another note, one of our credit cards was sabotaged last week. For thieves, they are kind of boring. They only did 1500 in damage. They bought some sporting stuff and made a mortgage payment. BORING. They should have at least tried for a flat screen tv.

Sometime today I have to vacuum playdough out of my window screen. Don't ask. If The Girl were an Indian her name would have to be "She Who Tests Patience."

Techno Geek recently travelled to the land of the Native American--Arizona. This was a real testament to my patience. Every day children would cry and The Girl would wail "My Daddy. I need my Daddy" as she was falling asleep. On the day he was coming back, we talked about Daddy coming home on a plane. This got her attention. Later that day, we had this conversation:

The Girl: It's a comet!
Me: No, that is a cloud from a plane.
The Girl: A plane go in the sky!?!
Me: Yes!
The Girl: I go on plane too.
Me: Would you like to fly in a plane?
The Girl: You fly too. And Daddy and Wyatt and me all fly. And my blue blankie and my cat and Ms. Innifer (Ms. Jennifer)and all my friends.
Me: Your friends?
The Girl: All my friends from kider class (Kindermusik)
Me: Oh ok. That is a big trip.
The Girl: Yeah....we all go in plane.....

She exhausts me. I have no idea how she knew what a comet was. Last night we had t-ball practice. The Girl cannot wait to be on a team, but we are 2 years too early for her. She was all decked out in her team shirt, hat and glove. She ran out on the field and ran bases with The Boy. Then the coach gathered up his team and told her to get off the field. Big fat alligator tears...turned down lip quivering...she only felt better when Techno Geek took her to the side and did a "practice" with her. Yes, she is cute....I love her....but man, can she be high maintenance.

And then there is me--Mrs. Sunshine. I spray painted a table today. My fingers hurt. Is there anything else I can possibly complain about? Oh I know....my shower is broken. Water is spraying all over the walls when you turn it on. And I don't know what I will make for dinner cause even though I plan two weeks in advance, I fail in the ability to actually buy everything I need for cooking. I bet your eyes are now bleeding from this depressing, dull post. humph

Silent Saturday

10 Things on My Mind

1) Upcoming Spring Break Trip--I want a vacation! I want to hit the road and have some fun! I want to make sure we eat at the highest rated restaurants and hit the museums at just the right time so that we make the most of it. Long gone are the trips where we just go and explore without an agenda or game plan. Desperate must plan. Desperate must know what to do when just so she can semi enjoy the trip.
2) Making schedules for work--I am in the middle of 3rd quarter work schedules for other supervisors. When I first volunteered for this honor, I only organized the schedule of three people--myself included. Now, I must get 13 people to get along and pretend to be happy. I simply cannot please everyone and gave up trying a long time ago.
3) My filthy house--MUST SPRING CLEAN! I have been the Night of the Living Dead around here. Why in the hell is it so hard for me to stay on top of it all? I have no idea. I have no idea why there is juice splashed across the hallway walls. I have no clue how that bread crust got in the couch. Oh--there is mold growing in the back of the fridge? At least it is contained in tupperware.
4)Meat--Desperate is a vegetarian. But 1/2 of my family is not. I am worried about their consumption of hormones, steroids, preservatives, dyes and antibiotics through something that is supposed to be healthy for them. Google is my friend. MUST FIND HEALTHY FOOD FOR MY FAMILY!
5)My Neighbors--My neighbor is Cousin Eddie from National Lampoons Vacation. Desperate has decided that fictional characters sometimes do come to life and move next door to her. In the past Cousin Eddie has raised free roaming chickens, brought home 9 dogs--4 in and 5 out and not cleaned up the poop, let his grass grow to about calf height before cutting it with his 20 year old lawn mower while dressed in his wife beater and puffing his cig, and let us not forget--placed his green sectional sofa on his back porch as a bed for his 5 outside dogs who promptly ripped it to tiny shreads. But now--now he is really freaking me out. Cousin Eddie has taken to starring out his window--brazenly watching everything we do. He has a lot of time on his hands. Did I mention he was fired from McDonald's for stealing food? Yeah--he fed it to his dogs.
6)The Boy and Ms. Drama--Our struggles at school continue to some degree. The Boy has been doing better in terms of his behavior, but all of those reports and studies we have been waiting for over the past few months are starting to come in. Last week we had one that studied his focus and behavior. Ms. Drama said some very scathing things about me and our home life--unsubstantiated and very biased opinions and they made it into an official report! Just disgusting!
7) Lost--Desperate is totally intrigued by Lost this season. They are really mixing it up and making it so clever. Last couple of seasons were good, but man--this one leaves me salivating for more episodes! Why is Desmond so important to this entire story? Why was Jack addicted to pain pills? He seemed fine when he first got off the island. Why does Kate have Aaron? Do the people who stay behind die? Who the heck was in the coffin? I am guessing Michael. What is Smokey and what the hell is up with Jacob anyway?
8)My mail--I need to go get my mail. I'll be right back. Ok that is better. I actually got a rug inside my mailbox. I mean, I ordered a rug--just a small one for my front door, but I never expected to find it inside my mailbox.
9)Sleep--I miss that hour...Sure, I like having an hour at night to hang out in daylight, but I really love that hour in the am too! I could move to AZ....
10)Silence--Desperate is desperate for quiet. Time to just be in the moment and notice the little things we miss everyday. Like the sound of my breath or the different chirps of birds outside. I would like to pay more attention to my children's laughs rather than their fusses. I want to be able to pay attention to life as it is happening right now and accept it as it is right now.

My New Nickname

The Girl speaks a LOT and she speaks well. But there is just this one little problem that she has. She has learned how to transpose some letters in Mom and Dad. So, on occasion, Techno Geek becomes "Mad" and me...well, I become "Dam". Yes, my precious baby girl calls me "Dam". I swear she didn't hear it from me!

Slacker

Wow, I have been such a slacker this week. Sometimes I feel like this:

And THAT would be my birthday present

Yes, yes....extravagant....but my husband thinks I am worth it!

PTG VS ATG

Giving birth the The Girl completely flipped my world. I have become a totally different mother and wife. There is something about adding that second child that just changes everything. It reminds me of the speech Uma Thurman gives in Kill Bill (with a bit of creative license)....

"Before that strip turned blue, (creative license ensues) I was a mom to one. I was your mom. I would have a fall birthday party planned and in place my spring. Before that strip turned blue, I would have feed you all homemade and organic foods and had a place for everything and everything in its place. For you. But once that strip turned blue, I could no longer do any of those things. Not anymore. Because I was gonna be a mother to two." (end of creative license)

But I do want to be that Super Mom I set out to be--I really do. I want to have a house that is clean, organized and efficient. I try to get inspiration from the things around me. For example, I watched Jon & Kate Plus 8 last night scouring for organization ideas from her. But the show--as interesting as it is--really never addresses specifically how she handles 8 children all day long. However, she did make one comment that reverberated in me. Kate said, "I am never behind because I refuse to fall behind." I am always behind anymore. I cannot believe I ever had it together enough to plan an entire party months ahead of time. Now, I forget to send out invitations, much less plan the menu. When we went on vacations, not only would I have all activities mapped out, I would pre pack up to a week ahead of time. ATG (after the Girl) I pack the morning of. And kids activities--forget about it. With The Boy, I had activties lined up almost every day--including reading time, music time, art time, and imaginary play time. With The Girl, if Elmo doesn't do it with her, it isn't getting done.

Maybe I am too hard on myself or maybe I am just lazy. But I'm trying real hard Ringo....I'm trying real hard to be the Super Mom. (ok, ok My apologies to Quinten Tarantino) I still manage to send out home made Christmas cards every year. I just redid The Girl's room in fairy theme--hand making the decorations and painting the pictures on the walls. I joined PTO. I let my child sleep in a cardboard box because he uses it for his clubhouse and wants to camp out on weekends. I make dinner at least 3-4 nights a week (maybe more). I drive a mini van and I even manage to clean the bathtub time and again.

I suppose in the grand scheme of things, all of us do our very best. No one is perfect. No one is broken either. We just do our best, muddle along and pray that one day our children will not drag us onto Oprah and talk about what bad parents we were. Although a free trip to Chicago would not be that bad...

Another Science Lesson

The Girl developed an attraction to a plastic giraffe today. She played with it all morning and even took it to nap with her. When she got up, she wanted to bring it with her. So, during diaper changing time, I made small talk about said giraffe. It went a little something like this:

Me: So, what is your giraffe's name?
The Girl: roarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Me: No, what is his name? Not his noise....
The Girl: What? His name?
Me: How about Bob?
The Girl: No, not Bob! (laugh)
Me: OK Larry?
The Girl: Not Larrrreeeee (laugh)
Me: Sue?
The Girl: No.....(laugh)
Me: Is it a boy or a girl giraffe?
The Girl: What?
Me: Is your giraffe a boy or a girl?
The Girl: I dun know. It a giraffe!

Goodnight to me---forever?

Me: You are my little baby boy. (hugging The Boy goodnight) Even if you are big. Look at you--you are like a giant. How did you get so big?

The Boy: I will always be your little baby boy. Now matter how big I get, I will always be your little baby boy and also your big boy. (putting his hands on my shoulders and giving me a serious look) And if you die, I will always remember you.

What a goof....

Things I love

A tribute to love on Valentine's Day

my husband

my kids--snot and all

cheese

movies--even sucky ones

I think I love my netti pot--but I am still not sure

crafts

finding a really good sale

pay day

vacations

car rides--long ones that require napping

eating out

napping on the beach

waking up on the beach

Disney World--it really is the happiest place on earth--really!

chocolate chip ice cream

the smell of industrial glue

my body pillow

long showers

salsa

cilantro

blue

green

John Taylor

collecting sea shells

planning my kids birthday parties

Yoda

baby feet

kittens

Pottery Barn

shorts

yoga

when a new magazine comes in the mail

picnics

painting the wall a new color

Coca-Cola

Dr. Pepper

Cherry Dr. Pepper from Sonic

our wedding picture

shade

rocks

sleepy medicine

store credit

catching fireflys

getting my point across

As I write this, Wow Wow Wubzy is singing, "Love, love, love.....love is all around..."

Happy Love Day :)

A Science Lesson

The scene: We are watching some show and beavers are on...PBS versions of beavers that is.

The boy: It's a dam!
Me: That's right. Who made that dam?
The boy: Beavers make them.
Me: Why would they do that?
The boy: They make them to stop the water from getting from this side to that side.
Me: But how do they build them?
The boy: They use their teeth and they eat through a branch and then they pile those up and it blocks the water.
Me: oh, ok

The end.

Boogie Woogie Blues

I have been sick since last Friday and not really in the mood to write, soooooooooo I want to share what I made a couple of weeks ago.

Look! A pretty picture for the girl's fairy themed big girl room.

I am slowly transferring everything over to

faith,

trust

and pixie dust

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The fruit of my womb

I love Duran Duran. Ever since I was 10 years old and Seven and the Ragged Tiger was out. The Reflex was the first song I ever heard and man, was I hooked. To this day I still have all of my albums, 45s, and a really old scrapbook barely holding on to the tattered interviews and posters from Tiger Beat and BOP magazine.

So, it is only natural that when their new album dropped in November, I would get it. And listen to it. In the house, in the car. And since my children are always with me, they listen to it too. I have to admit, I love it. My children picking up on Mom's musical tastes--who wouldn't love that? But that seems to have backfired a little bit. My children have an intense admiration for the title track of the album, Red Carpet Massacre. At first, I enjoyed playing it and watching them dance along. It was really cute when the girl started singing the lyrics with that sweet two year old tone to her voice. It was awesome when the boy would pump his fist in the air like a little Simon LeBon. The problem is--it is the only song they want to listen too. When the next track comes on, all I hear is "ed asser!" coming at me from the once innocent babe behind me. If I do manage to get through another song on the album, the boy will start asking the girl, "You want to hear Red Carpet Massacre, right?" and with his prodding, eventually there will be a chant of sorts hurdling towards me. "Moe ed asser!" the girl demands. Since I won't be able to listen to any other tracks in peace, I relent. Good thing I like that song!

Enough already

I am sick and tired of comments like "They had one kid with autism. Why didn't they stop?" or "They should never have had another child." First off, a lot of people have no idea that anything is wrong with their child until they are older and already have siblings. And second--whose business is it anyway? Are you really going to tell me that my girl does not deserve to live because her older brother has Asperger's? What a crock. Not only is that stupid, but it is basically saying my son should never have been born and for that--shame on you!

No, no one has said this to me personally, but I was following the blog of a family with 6 autistic children. http://www.autismbitestheblog.blogspot.com/ It is shocking and insane what some people are telling them. More than one person has had the gall to say they should have been sterilized. Sick.

Autism is not a curse--it is a way of life. Does it shake you to your core? yes. Can you overcome it? yes. Does every parent face challenges parenting? aw hell yes!

So, shut up everybody and keep your ignorant opinions to yourself. If you are going to be a turd-go lay in the yard!

She likes a clean bowl

I have decided a new nickname for the girl will be The Biscuit. You remember The Biscuit--from Ally McBeal? Geniusly played by Peter McNicol, The Biscuit had many quirks in his personality, but, his best was the toilet remote...One day Ally heard the toilet flushing itself. Running out of her stall perplexed, she found the biscuit entering the unisex bathroom, remote in hand. After giving him a look of "What in the hell?" he explained matter of a factly, "I like a clean bowl." The girl, just like The Biscuit, prefers no floaties, paper, particles or odd colors in her bowl. And as a potty training toddler, she is enamored with the way the toilet works. You fill it up, you flush. You fill it up some more, you flush again.


A quick Google search confirmed for me that toilet remotes actually do exist. This one is attached to the toilet--kind of defeats the purpose. Nonetheless, it does have some handy options, such as turning on music when you are doing your business (where it comes from exactly is still a mystery) and my personal favorite, the backside wash. In case you are unsure of which button turns that function on, just look at the buttons carefully for a nice behind getting a geyser looking surprise!

Dear ABC,

I must say it has been a very long 9 months. I have scoured the spoiler boards for tidbits--morsels if you will of anything and everything to satisfy my cravings. I have jumped to attention every time I ran across a promo for the season opener. I spent time reviewing Season 3 on dvd just to pick up and hints of what may be next. And here we are.....only 6 hours to go. LOST is back! It may only be for 8 measly episodes, but after waiting long enough to give birth to another child, it is so worth it to me!

Ahhhh Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Hurley.....it is like welcoming old friends back. But really, how could you kill of Charlie? That was sad. I cried. And I have to admit--not so sure how I feel about flash forwards, but we'll see. You haven't LOST me yet! harharhar But I digress....

What will I do with this little teaser of 8 episodes ABC? Then we have to wait another year before another bone. *sigh* Thanks for bringing it back--even for a short time, ABC.

Signed,

A Lostie at Heart

Drama Follows Me Around

Ms. Drama (The boy's 1st grade teacher) is at it again. Last Friday she said he threatened to rip a child to shreds with the safety scissors. I was told to not let him watch TV. Uh-huh. He also said we had a baboon at home that would do the dirty deed. Guess Animal Planet is now a really bad influence! Yesterday, he told three 3rd graders he was going to "chop their heads off." Wow, sure is brazen of a 1st grader cornered in the boys bathroom by a posse of 3rd grade homies. Guess that was all his 6 year old brain could come up with. Of course, this warranted a visit to the principal's office and additional threats to my sanity on the behalf of Ms. Drama.

"But Desperate," you say, "why can't the teacher deal with the boy by herself? Doesn't she have a plan in place?"

Uh--no. Classroom management? Has she never heard of it?!? Fuh-get about it! Ms. Drama doesn't have the energy or will to work with her class. After all, she has too many discipline notes to fill out. She would just rather throw the wild, unruly, nasty little buggers another worksheet to bore them to tears and go gossip to the teacher aides and other parents.

Thing is, I know teachers. I work with hundreds of teachers every day. I know the difference between a teacher who genuinely loves her job and one who just got stuck in it. I also know how easy it is to get your teacher license. After all, I did it. And I am very, very lazy! I know how easy it is to get a "A". I also know that "A" doesn't count for squat when you get out into the real world. There is a dirty little secret in the foo-foo world of teachers. Those with relatives or friends on the school board get first preference--and the most job security. Those who kissed the principal's arse so much their face is permanently imprinted on said butt are second choice. Those who kept their nose to the grindstone, learned about solid research based teaching practices and have the child's best interest at heart--well, those are last choice. And did I mention the clique going on amongst our teaching staff? You think high school was bad--man, oh man, they have nothing on a group of educators with their apples on their lapels and their buns on their heads.

Teachers of the world, do not get your panties into a wad. I simply speak from experience. There are exceptions to every rule. But I can tell you, as a supervisor to teachers, I see a total lack of professionalism, tact, courtesy, concern and common sense on a daily basis. And that my friends, describes Ms. Drama to a T!