Dear ABC,

I must say it has been a very long 9 months. I have scoured the spoiler boards for tidbits--morsels if you will of anything and everything to satisfy my cravings. I have jumped to attention every time I ran across a promo for the season opener. I spent time reviewing Season 3 on dvd just to pick up and hints of what may be next. And here we are.....only 6 hours to go. LOST is back! It may only be for 8 measly episodes, but after waiting long enough to give birth to another child, it is so worth it to me!

Ahhhh Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Hurley.....it is like welcoming old friends back. But really, how could you kill of Charlie? That was sad. I cried. And I have to admit--not so sure how I feel about flash forwards, but we'll see. You haven't LOST me yet! harharhar But I digress....

What will I do with this little teaser of 8 episodes ABC? Then we have to wait another year before another bone. *sigh* Thanks for bringing it back--even for a short time, ABC.

Signed,

A Lostie at Heart

Drama Follows Me Around

Ms. Drama (The boy's 1st grade teacher) is at it again. Last Friday she said he threatened to rip a child to shreds with the safety scissors. I was told to not let him watch TV. Uh-huh. He also said we had a baboon at home that would do the dirty deed. Guess Animal Planet is now a really bad influence! Yesterday, he told three 3rd graders he was going to "chop their heads off." Wow, sure is brazen of a 1st grader cornered in the boys bathroom by a posse of 3rd grade homies. Guess that was all his 6 year old brain could come up with. Of course, this warranted a visit to the principal's office and additional threats to my sanity on the behalf of Ms. Drama.

"But Desperate," you say, "why can't the teacher deal with the boy by herself? Doesn't she have a plan in place?"

Uh--no. Classroom management? Has she never heard of it?!? Fuh-get about it! Ms. Drama doesn't have the energy or will to work with her class. After all, she has too many discipline notes to fill out. She would just rather throw the wild, unruly, nasty little buggers another worksheet to bore them to tears and go gossip to the teacher aides and other parents.

Thing is, I know teachers. I work with hundreds of teachers every day. I know the difference between a teacher who genuinely loves her job and one who just got stuck in it. I also know how easy it is to get your teacher license. After all, I did it. And I am very, very lazy! I know how easy it is to get a "A". I also know that "A" doesn't count for squat when you get out into the real world. There is a dirty little secret in the foo-foo world of teachers. Those with relatives or friends on the school board get first preference--and the most job security. Those who kissed the principal's arse so much their face is permanently imprinted on said butt are second choice. Those who kept their nose to the grindstone, learned about solid research based teaching practices and have the child's best interest at heart--well, those are last choice. And did I mention the clique going on amongst our teaching staff? You think high school was bad--man, oh man, they have nothing on a group of educators with their apples on their lapels and their buns on their heads.

Teachers of the world, do not get your panties into a wad. I simply speak from experience. There are exceptions to every rule. But I can tell you, as a supervisor to teachers, I see a total lack of professionalism, tact, courtesy, concern and common sense on a daily basis. And that my friends, describes Ms. Drama to a T!

I heart TMZ.com

It would seem my new obsession is reading the celebrity gossip on TMZ.com. They update multiple times a day, so really, it is far better than waiting on the next issue of People to come out. I'm not sure why I am so fascinated by stars and their downfalls, but I am. And I always have been. It probably started with an innocent addiction to National Enquirer as a child. My grandmother read it--why couldn't I? As a teenager, I graduated to Teen Bop and 17 magazine. And may I just say......

Oh

My

God

My Duran Duran centerfolds were just as tantalizing as the latest Playboy of the month was to the teenage boys. Those Wild Boys can be so cheeky!

But I digress.....

As an adult I got cable TV. You have a ton of choices here, but probably the best know is Entertainment Television.


Who does not remember ET and Liesa Gibbons talking about the scandals in Tinsel Town? I always knew who was screwing who--where--and with what!


Why, they even had entire networks *just* devoted to dishing out every little tidbit they can find on the jet set.



But I hadn't seen anything yet!



Three words--world wide web. Yes, yes, yes. It has opened a world of opportunities for voyeurs like myself. Those who wish they could have been stars, but lacked the gusto. And yes, I can be honest--those like myself who are so jealous they cannot see straight. Man, I love it when Brittany has a break down. Or when a Baldwin gets arrested. What? Lohan was drinking again? Bring it on! I have nothing better to do. *sinister grin* Plus it gives me lots to talk about at parties!

It is probably no coincidence that one of my favorite childhood songs was "Dirty Laundry" by Don Henley. So, in honor of all my wacked out, drugged up, plastic injected, dog wearing, pretend cyber friend celebs, I post the lyrics!

I make my living off the evening news

Just give me something-something I can use

People love it when you lose,

They love dirty laundry

Well, I coulda been an actor,

but I wound up here

I just have to look good,

I don't have to be clear

Come and whisper in my ear

Give us dirty laundry

Kick em when they're up

Kick em when they're down

Kick em when they're up

Kick em when they're down

Kick em when they're up

Kick em when they're down

Kick em when they're up

Kick em all around

We got the bubble-headed-bleach-blonde who

Comes on at five

She can tell you bout the plane crash with a gleam

In her eye

Its interesting when people die-

Give us dirty laundry

Can we film the operation?

Is the head dead yet?

You know, the boys in the newsroom got a

Running bet

Get the widow on the set!

We need dirty laundry

You don't really need to find out whats going on

You don't really want to know just how far its gone

Just leave well enough alone

Eat your dirty laundry

Kick em when they're up

Kick em when they're down

Kick em when they're up

Kick em when they're down

Kick em when they're up

Kick em when they're down

Kick em when they're stiff

Kick em all around

Dirty little secrets

Dirty little lies

We got our dirty little fingers

in everybodys pie

We love to cut you down to size

We love dirty laundry

We can do the innuendo

We can dance and sing

When its said and done

we haven't told you a thing

We all know that crap is king

Give us dirty laundry!

The Pitter Patter of Little Feet

I was in the kitchen when I heard the girl come into the room.

Clump--clump--clump went her shoes as they hit the floor. I thought this odd due to the fact I had not put on her shoes.

Upon further inspection, I found out, not only had she put her shoes on, she also put her own socks on--and everything was right! The seams on the socks were in the proper place on her toes. The shoes were on their respective feet. I told her what a great job she did and asked her if she wanted to take a picture. Of course, she said yes because let's face it--the girl is very fond of herself and particularly enjoys pictures of herself immortalizing her every move. She gleefully propped up on a chair and this picture is the result. Did I mention she is only 2?



Editor's note: Please note--the shoes are brown. This is proof positive I did not put her shoes on. I most certainly would have picked black dahling! *snob nose in the air*

Frienemies....thanks for the memories.....

FRIENEMY: A "toxic" person who poses as a friend but

subconsciously or consciously wishes you harm.

The Devious Plan

The boy has decided he is going to make a hologram of himself to send to school in his place.



The boy: I am going to make a hologram to send to school.

Me: Really? And what exactly is a hologram? (curious to his response)

The boy: It is when you take a picture of yourself but it is not on paper and then you send it someplace else and people think it is you but it isn't you. It's a hologram!

Me: oh, of course.

And thank you Cartoon Network!

Resolution #2

As I sat at that table, listening to the "experts" tell me what was best for my boy, I wanted to explode. Explode in anger, expletives, tears, wails--you name it, I wanted to make it happen. Nine reported "professional experts" telling me my son was too smart for the school system to take care of anymore. Nine virtual strangers--who don't really know my boy--who don't understand or recognize his needs--deciding that because he is intelligent and scores well on standardized tests that he does not need any school services other than speech. I know my boy. I understand what he needs. I understand that cutting out his OT service is devastating--and I tell them.

From the back corner I hear a voice pipe up--a new lady--the first time she has ever been to one of the boy's IEP meetings. A woman who doesn't know my boy at all--only by name. And she says to me, "If you take nothing else out of this you need to understand this is a good thing. You need to celebrate his success." Wow. Celebrate his success. After numerous calls from the Principal's office about his behavior; after his teacher spewing her dislike of him to other parents; after he has been forced into the back corner of his room to keep him quiet, now I need to celebrate is success. He is smart--no kidding. I already knew that. His speech is improving--no kidding, tell me something I don't know. Let me tell you something new-you just yanked the only service that was truly helping him. But hey--let's celebrate!

My boy is likely on the Autism spectrum--having a preliminary diagnosis of Asperger's. And let me tell you what I celebrate. I am so happy my boy is NOT like all the others. He is independent. He is creative. He is expressive. I have no reason to believe that once he graduates and enters the world on his own, he will be successful at whatever he chooses to do. I celebrate his uniqueness every day. But he has an impairment. Would you take glasses away from someone with a vision impairment?

I concordance with New Years Resolution #2, we will be pursuing our own avenues for therapy and related services. As the girl would say, "You go get 'em, ok?"

a funny to share

Week late and a dollar short

Resolutions....here we are a full week into 2008 and I am just now getting around to putting these in mental concrete. What can I say? So far 2008 is as physically draining and emotionally futile as 2007. But I am a optimist damnit! So here I am--making THE LIST.

I resolve to go green. Not jealous....not Incredible Hulk....not Jolly Green Giant....and not rich. I want to learn more about toxin free living and try to adopt it into my lifestyle as much as possible.

I resolve to learn more about advocacy and Special Ed rights. The boy has been speech delayed and sensory seeking since he was one. Now that he is in First Grade the word Asperger's is floating about. We are still waiting for an official diagnosis from a developmental pediatrician. But in the meantime, I want to advocate for my son in the face of a unsympathetic (indeed PATHETIC) school and staff.

I resolve to go on two family vacations. I also made this promise last year and went on three. *wink*

I resolve to grow a herb garden.

I resolve to go to an allergist sometime this year and start immunotherapy shots again.

Well, I could go on, but much more than 5 and I really start to get predictable and let's face it--just in denial. I will never promise myself that this will be my year to loose weight and stop eating chocolate. Or that I will never say another cuss word. Or that I will give up my Cokes and Dr. Peppers--nectar of the Gods. I could say that I will live my life to its fullest and enjoy what I have, but in reality, I will use those cuss words, chocolate and sodas to soothe over the daily stress. Life is just stressful and there is nothing you can do about it. For right now, I will resolve to sit on my fat arse and write about it!