Anymore, I get Mommy Guilt on a regular basis. This morning I am making the Boy's lunch and in a rush, I did not cut his cheese sandwich in half. I just ripped it. Not only was I in a hurry, but I also am thinking that it would be good to not dirty another knife. Brilliant, right? And as I am packing this ripped mismatched sandwich, I picture the lunchroom table. All the other kids with their perfectly symmetrical sandwich halves watching my Boy take his scraggly, hobo looking bread out of the baggie and saying, "Dude, doesn't your mom love you enough to take out a knife and cut your bread?" Mommy guilt strikes again.
I always feel like I am not spending enough time with my kids. I beat myself up daily on the state of the house, the lack of creativity on our dinners, the fact my kids watch more than the 2 hours of tv per day (spitting in the face of the Academy of Pediatrics) and that they do not brush their teeth twice a day. They do, however, brush once a day.
I don't know why I have such little faith in myself as a mother and wife, but I do know that most mothers feel the same way. Perhaps it is the responsibility for these two lives that at times seems so overwhelming you can barely breathe. Or is it because you have such a deep, unquestionable love for these souls that you just don't want to screw it up.
I partially blame Oprah. I grew up watching her show...blaming parents for the faults of their adult children. I have to admit, one of my fears is getting that phone call in 20 years.
Snot nosed producer: Yes, your son and daughter claim that your lack of proper parenting has effected their ability to lead productive lives. We would like you to come on the show to talk about it openly.
Snot nosed producer: Well, your children are coming on to talk about what a horrible mother you were and how they cannot function in normal society as a result. We can pay for your hotel if you come. The hotel has a free breakfast and we will be happy to pick you up in our company limo!
Snot nosed producer: I'm sorry, ma'am, but I do need a decision. Do you want to defend yourself on Oprah or not?
Me: Does this have to do with the fact I did not cut their sandwiches with a knife?
*click* *dial tone*