Mommy Guilt

Anymore, I get Mommy Guilt on a regular basis. This morning I am making the Boy's lunch and in a rush, I did not cut his cheese sandwich in half. I just ripped it. Not only was I in a hurry, but I also am thinking that it would be good to not dirty another knife. Brilliant, right? And as I am packing this ripped mismatched sandwich, I picture the lunchroom table. All the other kids with their perfectly symmetrical sandwich halves watching my Boy take his scraggly, hobo looking bread out of the baggie and saying, "Dude, doesn't your mom love you enough to take out a knife and cut your bread?" Mommy guilt strikes again.

I always feel like I am not spending enough time with my kids. I beat myself up daily on the state of the house, the lack of creativity on our dinners, the fact my kids watch more than the 2 hours of tv per day (spitting in the face of the Academy of Pediatrics) and that they do not brush their teeth twice a day. They do, however, brush once a day.

I don't know why I have such little faith in myself as a mother and wife, but I do know that most mothers feel the same way. Perhaps it is the responsibility for these two lives that at times seems so overwhelming you can barely breathe. Or is it because you have such a deep, unquestionable love for these souls that you just don't want to screw it up.

I partially blame Oprah. I grew up watching her show...blaming parents for the faults of their adult children. I have to admit, one of my fears is getting that phone call in 20 years.

Snot nosed producer: Yes, your son and daughter claim that your lack of proper parenting has effected their ability to lead productive lives. We would like you to come on the show to talk about it openly.

Me: What?

Snot nosed producer: Well, your children are coming on to talk about what a horrible mother you were and how they cannot function in normal society as a result. We can pay for your hotel if you come. The hotel has a free breakfast and we will be happy to pick you up in our company limo!

Me: What?

Snot nosed producer: I'm sorry, ma'am, but I do need a decision. Do you want to defend yourself on Oprah or not?

Me: Does this have to do with the fact I did not cut their sandwiches with a knife?

*click* *dial tone*

Sweet Land of Liberty

"What do I think of my country? What is there, which elevates my shoulders and stirs my blood when I hear the words, the United States of America: Do I praise my country enough? Do I laud my fellow citizens enough? What is there about my country that makes me hang my head and avert my eyes when I hear the words, the United States of America, and what am I doing about it? Am I relating my disappointment to my leaders and to my fellow citizens, or am I like someone not involved, sitting high and looking low? As Americans, we should not be afraid to respond." --Maya Angelou

My country tis of thee,

Sweet land of liberty,

Of thee I sing.

Land where my fathers died!

Land of the Pilgrim's pride!

From every mountain side,

Let freedom ring!

My native country, thee,

Land of the noble free,

Thy name I love.

I love thy rocks and rills,

Thy woods and templed hills;

My heart with rapture fills

Like that above.

Let music swell the breeze,

And ring from all the trees

Sweet freedom's song.

Let mortal tongues awake;

Let all that breathe partake;

Let rocks their silence break,

The sound prolong.

Our father's God to, Thee,

Author of liberty,

To Thee we sing.

Long may our land be bright

With freedom's holy light;

Protect us by Thy might,

Great God, our King!

Aw Come on! --Gob Bluth

Listen people, no one likes it when you are talking on your cell phone in a restaurant and decide that you need to yell into the phone because the restaurant is too loud for you to be heard. And it is definitely uncool for your phone to ring during church. Don't even get me started on texting someone when the person right in front of you is trying to talk to you. And by the way, if you refuse to put your call on hold to deal with the sales clerk, it does not make you look cool. It makes you look obnoxious.

But you know what really fries my cheese? Talking on your cell in the public restroom. Aw, come on! It is hard enough to relax on a toilet that is not your own. Especially when those stalls provide little to no privacy with their cracks and crevices. (Who amongst us has not experienced a random child staring into the crack as you are wiping? I just wave. But I digress.) Now you have to listen to who just lost their job and who slept with whose brother best friend and so on and so on all while trying to relax and let nature take its course.

I had a similar such incident yesterday at a local Chinese buffet. After enjoying a hearty meal of Vegetable Lo Mein, I made a stop by the restroom. When I first went in, it seemed like I was alone. The handicap stall was standing open, but I went into the little stall instead. Good thing I did. A few steps into the stall and I hear "Mmmmm" followed by another "Mmmmm"

"What are they doing in there?" I thought to myself. "And why was the door left open for it?" I had not seen this woman at all when I entered—she had been hiding behind the stall door, leaning against the wall. I had to peek under to see if her feet were there—and they were—but I half expected them to be up, perched like a scene from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. It was like the chick was in ninja talking on a cell phone mode.

Then all of the sudden a wave of Chinese words came out…I have no idea at all what this woman was saying, but it was pretty intense. Apparently she had done whatever she came to do in the potty, but was so entranced in her conversation, she could not leave the bathroom to finish her conversation. Perhaps they had good sound in there.

To make matters worse, I felt like I was being judged. Every time I made a move she would say “Ohhhhhh” on the phone, followed by something Chinese. I was convinced it had something to do with the fat Caucasian woman sitting in the stall next to her, but I never heard her say my name. Ninjas are very stealthy that way.

Then I find myself having guilt. What is something happens and I pass gas in here while she is on the phone and her friend thinks it was her? “No, I swear it was this fat Caucasian lady in the stall next to me!”

Am I allowed to flush when she is still talking? Is that rude? I just don’t know.

So I am sitting there stuck. Unable to do my business. Unable to unroll the toilet paper. Unable to flush. And I am thinking about my great ninja like escape when suddenly, out of no where, she turns to leave the room—finally continuing her conversation outside of the bathroom. Guess t had nothing to do with the sound after all. Maybe she was freaked out by the fat Caucasian lady staring out at her from the crack of the bathroom stall…

Facebook=Pure evil?

Wow--it has been quite some time since I have written in my own blog, I have religiously followed other people's blogs. I have thought about things I should log and then not done so-- obviously. But yesterday I found something new and potentially life sucking--Facebook. What the crap is this thing? Why is it sucking up hours of my time? As I was working on it I started to feel guilty. Guilty that I have not updated this blog in so many months. And here I find myself posting. So, not only does Facebook take up all my free time, it makes me have guilt and spend even more time trying to correct it. I think it may be Satan.

I feel pretty...oh, so pretty

The Girl has given me a pedicure during my recuperation. I apologize for the picture quality, but I did get off my death couch to post this for you....

I've been sick

I got sick shortly after my last post and have been sick ever since. I am still sick--inner ear infection caused by a mycoplasm bug that I cannot shake. This thing has had me sick off and on for almost a year. I am sick of being sick.

Resolution Check!

It was a 7 months ago that 2008 came charging in and in my usual fashion, I fancied myself up some resolutions. Time to make myself accountable and check in on my progress. As I plagiarize myself, here they are:

#1. I resolve to go green. Not jealous....not Incredible Hulk....not Jolly Green Giant....and not rich. I want to learn more about toxin free living and try to adopt it into my lifestyle as much as possible. I am proud to say, I have made several steps for improvement in this area. I am now recycling. I am appalled by the amount of trash it saves me....probably 2-3 bags per week of recyclable goods were just going straight to the dump. I also tested out various kinds of dishwashing and laundry detergents. Laundry has been ok so far, but as far as dishwashing goes--after testing 4 different kinds of very expensive, very environmentally friendly detergents, I have decided plain ole Cascade is the only thing that really stands up to my dishes. Now, it is not on the earth friendly list, but washing the same load 3 times is not good for the water supply. SO it is the lesser of two evils. Resolution complete? check! but still a work in progress.

#2. I resolve to learn more about advocacy and Special Ed rights. The boy has been speech delayed and sensory seeking since he was one. Now that he is in First Grade the word Asperger's is floating about. We are still waiting for an official diagnosis from a developmental pediatrician. But in the meantime, I want to advocate for my son in the face of a unsympathetic (indeed PATHETIC) school and staff. I have read a few additional books....bookmarked a few additional sights....and gone to a few extra doctors. We are really not too better off than before.

# 3 I resolve to go on two family vacations. I also made this promise last year and went on three. *wink* Well, you know I have Wandering Wednesdays--which is a mini vacation each week. In addition, we went to Chattanooga in the spring and will go to Disney World in August. Resolution complete? check!

# 4. I resolve to grow a herb garden. Check! It is out there, but I have no idea how to dry them for future use...still working on that one.

# 5. I resolve to go to an allergist sometime this year and start immunotherapy shots again. No......not even started....

#6. I resolve to pursue our own avenues for therapy and related services. Check! We have a private OT now.

4 out of 6 is not bad at all! Much better than my previous track records. Have you kept your resolutions this year?