Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Goals, NOT resolutions

In my last installment, I introduced you to the first of three areas I am working on: organization. I need to simplify the flow of my household and that started with the symbolic gathering of Legos.

My second area of improvement is physical. I want to loose about 20 pounds before the end of March. If I will do that remains to be seen, but more on that in another post.

My third area for concentration is more than body is mental health. An overall sweep of my agendas, my esteem, my strength, my direction.

When I was younger, I used to read the obituaries every day. In fact, one of the reasons I stopped subscribing to the paper was because this daily ritual, the study of the dead, was depressing and self deprecating. I read each stranger's life story, taking in the details. Teachers, deacons, preachers, doctors, police officers, entrepreneurs, wives, sisters, mothers. They were loved, celebrated, lauded. Then there were others who had no family to speak of, no prestigious career. It would simply say a name and a location for burial. Those bothered me the most. Because they always forced me to think, "What will my obituary read like?"

I have to say overall, I am pleased with my life. More than pleased...proud. I am proud to say I am an educator and a writer. I am a caring mother and loving wife. I am a volunteer and advocate. I am, simply, me. But there is something else. Something more that is missing.

As if I am not busy enough as it is. I write. I teach preschool. I run a home sales business. I volunteer for school. I am about to start a Girl Scout Troop and battle the masses in the great cookie sale. I am even considering a run for PTO, which I think may be more intense than a bid for US President. But still, I long for something more. A cohesiveness. A harmony. Not just in this particular area but in all the three goals for 2011. (And yes, notice I said GOALS, not resolutions. A goal is something that may actually still be here in 3 months time. If I called these resolutions, I have officially set in motion the kiss of death. No, a goal is much more attainable and realistic.) I need my body, my mind and my home to work as a group. Not struggle against one another for my attention. I need to work with the ebb and flow, not swim against it. I want to breathe.

My plan? This blog, for one, will make me self-accountable. Number two, aiming high. I don't give myself nearly enough credit. I am a capable woman. I manage to take on all of these projects, but continuously feel like I fail at them. Have I actually fallen short on even one? No. In my mind I suck. The reality: I am pretty darn cool. I may not be top of my class, homecoming queen, first one asked to join the team cool, but I hold my own. And when the chips are down, I don't run away.

So here goes nothing. Time to be courageous. My immediate goals? Organizing a Ladies Expo for my direct sales business. Keeping this blog up to date. And finally, adding those last 241 words to my novel and submitting it to a literary agent. Without the fear of rejection. Sure, I am going to inevitably be turned down, but I can resubmit. Sure, I may not get a single new customer from the Expo, but at least I tried something. And I may not have one single person read this post. But who cares? It's not about your reaction to me. It's about my reaction to myself. About finding my own strength. My own harmony. And mixing that will all areas of my life. Until my cup runneth over.

What are your goals for 2011. Resolutions are not allowed...

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